I love the polling question! I’ve come to understand more often than not, when I meet people I’m assessing for emotional safety and the best way to do that is by being myself. I have to assess if there’s room for me here.
oh yeah! That a big priority for me too. I try to assume people are lovely until proven otherwise but it's also not hard for me to realize I don't care for someone hahah
are you fast to like or dislike someone? do you usually get a good read quickly or try to give them a longer chance?
Not all spaces are safe spaces so for me it’s definitely reading the room first. I loved this substack so much. I was a yes person and I really do love saying yes but a boundary needed to be put up. I need breaks and it’s ok. I have taught my kids it’s ok to say no and it may hurt someone’s feelings. But we are responsible not for others reactions.
I cat manipulate everything/everyone oh I try and I do have control issues. My yes’s are true but to know when you need to slow down and put yourself first is a life skill. And I’m working on it.
thank you for sharing your story. I was also very accommodating and it made me very resentful so I learned to have good boundaries. I'm glad you're teaching your kids to understand the truth.
there's definitely an aspect to be in controlling that people don't talk about around people pleasing!
i'm so happy to hear you're working on the skill because I'm sure your kids will be better off for it as well!
love this post and thank you for sharing it. framing it: growing in personhood enough to know who one is matters, who one is varies, who one is fluctuates, and whomever said unboxing one's chameleon isn't allowable never liked the chameleon from the get. here for the butterfly. here for life changes. here for how one navigates being who one is day to day moment to moment because life is hard and sometimes being a turtle in a shell helps and somedays being a lion who roars is what's called for. you're so thoughtful and i love that
yes, I completely agree. I think we go through difficult things in life and then adopt that one solution that seemed to work and use it as our main lens for the rest of our life. When really these are just tools we can use and when we mature enough and work through our stuff, we get to use the tools rather than the tools using us.
Were you ever a people pleaser kind of personality?
Love this line you said, "we get to use the tools rather than the tools using us." I'd say I was a survivor adapting to do what I can to heal and navigate through or past the unhealed.🙏🏻🙏🏽🙏🏿
I love the polling question! I’ve come to understand more often than not, when I meet people I’m assessing for emotional safety and the best way to do that is by being myself. I have to assess if there’s room for me here.
oh yeah! That a big priority for me too. I try to assume people are lovely until proven otherwise but it's also not hard for me to realize I don't care for someone hahah
are you fast to like or dislike someone? do you usually get a good read quickly or try to give them a longer chance?
Ooh, interesting you're recommending Existential Kink with this one. I keep seeing that book everywhere! (And yes, already own it myself.)
I highly recommend it as a tool for shadow work! It definitely helps me laugh at stuff I get so annoyed and too serious about 🔮
I bet you have a long reading list!
Not all spaces are safe spaces so for me it’s definitely reading the room first. I loved this substack so much. I was a yes person and I really do love saying yes but a boundary needed to be put up. I need breaks and it’s ok. I have taught my kids it’s ok to say no and it may hurt someone’s feelings. But we are responsible not for others reactions.
I cat manipulate everything/everyone oh I try and I do have control issues. My yes’s are true but to know when you need to slow down and put yourself first is a life skill. And I’m working on it.
thank you for sharing your story. I was also very accommodating and it made me very resentful so I learned to have good boundaries. I'm glad you're teaching your kids to understand the truth.
there's definitely an aspect to be in controlling that people don't talk about around people pleasing!
i'm so happy to hear you're working on the skill because I'm sure your kids will be better off for it as well!
love this post and thank you for sharing it. framing it: growing in personhood enough to know who one is matters, who one is varies, who one is fluctuates, and whomever said unboxing one's chameleon isn't allowable never liked the chameleon from the get. here for the butterfly. here for life changes. here for how one navigates being who one is day to day moment to moment because life is hard and sometimes being a turtle in a shell helps and somedays being a lion who roars is what's called for. you're so thoughtful and i love that
yes, I completely agree. I think we go through difficult things in life and then adopt that one solution that seemed to work and use it as our main lens for the rest of our life. When really these are just tools we can use and when we mature enough and work through our stuff, we get to use the tools rather than the tools using us.
Were you ever a people pleaser kind of personality?
I think I was, but I framed or as surviving. 🙏🏿
Love this line you said, "we get to use the tools rather than the tools using us." I'd say I was a survivor adapting to do what I can to heal and navigate through or past the unhealed.🙏🏻🙏🏽🙏🏿